There was a point in my life where I was dishonest, pretentious and have intentionally hurt people important to me. I wanted to be wanted. I spoke words that my mouth didn’t say, my heart didn’t feel and my head didn’t think. I wanted to be part of something. I wanted to be someone that I was not. I was afraid of being rejected. I was miserable. I fell into a pit that I flawlessly made and it swallowed me without hesitation.
As I was moving on, it made me ponder on what is it with rejection that makes us do things that we are not built to do. I know people who are afraid of doing things they’ve been dying to try. I have read stories of missed great opportunities. I have friends who are afraid to showcase the best versions of themselves. I have heard dozens of hugot lines from friends who are afraid of letting their emotions be known – these are all because of the fear of rejection.
We are all scared of doing something that would break us, saying words that would disappoint us, but what we fail to see is while we try to avoid getting broken and disappointed, I realized we also end up hurting ourselves and the people we love. So one day, I woke up and got tired of living a life that I single-handedly painted. I widely opened both arms and embraced rejection like a refreshing cold shower after a hot and long day.
While I was mastering the maneuvers to accepting rejections, surprisingly, I have also mastered my way into finding peace with myself. I have learned that what makes us fear some things in life is because we are full of pride. We are scared of being judged. We are afraid of being rejected because it kills our suave ego. We send text messages like, “Hey. How are you doing?” instead of, “Hey. I really miss you. Can we meet and talk over dinner?” or what about blaming others for what was partly our mistake instead of just saying, “I’m truly sorry. How can I make it up to you?” or creeping on your crush’s social media accounts in the middle of the night instead of sending them a message like, “Hi. I find you really cute. Would you mind talking to me?”
What could be worse than doing and saying something we don’t really mean?
It’s rejecting life.
We all need to be braver. We all need to say what we want to say. We all need to repeatedly give ourselves chances. We all need to chew our pride like how we eat our pizza – with so much gusto and hot sauce, please. We all need to learn how to accept rejection in our lives like how some of us magically turned into Beliebers.
I want to be able to speak and do things I want, whether I may regret it or hopefully not, it will be okay because I know I’m living a life that I’m happy of without hurting anyone.
I have promised myself: I’d rather be vulnerable and open than being someone who has lived a life that is full of missed chances, unspoken words, unrequited feelings and skipped experiences. I want to be genuine. I want to be bare. I want to explore what I’m capable of without the guilt and shame. I want to be able to say I’m sorry, I miss you and I love you without sounding desperate or feeling uncomfortable, then apologize for it – being one does not mean I expect the other person to say the same thing or I want something from them. Perhaps, maybe, the other person feels the same way too. Wouldn’t that be a happy ending?